Caregivers, You Are Not Alone
From AARP & NAC’s Caregiving in the US 2020
If you clicked on this article, chances are that you are a caregiver—not just because the headline drew your attention, but because there are an awful lot of caregivers in the world. Actually, an AARP study from 2020 found that more than 1 in 5 Americans are currently providing unpaid care to a loved one over the age of 18. That means that approximately 53 million people across the country are working tirelessly, often putting their lives and wellbeing on hold, to ensure the health and dignity of their family and friends.
But who are these caregivers? A majority—about 61% total—are women. About 50% care for their parents, with 89% overall caring for relatives. They are most frequently Baby Boomers and Generation X, but younger generations like Millennials and Generation Z are increasingly becoming involved in the care of those they love. On average, caregivers provide 23.7 hours of care each week for about 4.5 years.
53% of caregivers feel that they did not have a choice in taking on their role. 17% experience physical strain, 18% experience financial strain, and 36% experience emotional strain as a result of their role. At the same time a majority of 51% feel that caregiving gives them a new sense of purpose. Most surprisingly, 21% of caregivers feel alone, a number that has been on the rise since the beginning of COVID-19 and an era of social distancing and video chatting.
From AARP & NAC’s Caregiving in the US 2020
This loneliness is a natural response to being a caregiver. Though caregivers likely spend a lot of time with their loved one, they now have less freedom to be with other people in their life. It is also possible that they feel a growing sense of responsibility that friends cannot relate to. Their very relationship with the loved one they care for has changed—instead of simply son, daughter, nephew, they are now son and caregiver, daughter and caregiver, nephew and caregiver. This, understandably, can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Being a caregiver is a lot to take in, so if you find yourself feeling lonely, give yourself a pass. What you’re experiencing is absolutely natural and you are not alone in feeling that way. In fact, there are millions of caregivers across the country—around 11.13 million, to be exact—who feel the same way.
As hard as it must be to hear, it is unlikely that this feeling of loneliness will just go away. Instead, it usually takes some work to reconnect with your social network. Fear not, here are some tips for banishing the loneliness:
Tell someone you’re lonely-
This one is so obvious, it often slips peoples’ minds. While working for a solution to their loneliness, so many people completely forget to start at the beginning.
Although this feels like a simple step, don’t disregard the importance of letting someone know how you are feeling. The simple act of confiding can lead to a profound sense of relief and actually help to minimize the problems that are being communicated. You no longer feel lonely alone!—you now have someone in your corner to help with the loneliness you feel.
Beyond the warmth of human connection, two heads are better than one when we are trying to fight loneliness or other negative emotions. By letting someone know that you are having a tough time, they can offer new perspective and suggestions to solve your problem.
So consider reaching out to a friend, family member, or even your care recipient and letting them know that you’re lonely. This simple step can make you feel better and add support as you move forward.
Set a schedule-
As you rush to get through your million responsibilities each day, it is easy to forget that you planned to call a friend to catch up. To remind yourself, mark down important social events on your calendar, set yourself a phone alarm, or ask someone to call you at a certain time. Having a concrete plan will make sure that you don’t forget or pass over important social time.
So set a lunch date, schedule a video chat, or pencil in 30 minutes each day to say hello to someone you love. By scheduling a daily dose of human connection, you can make sure that you don’t accidentally forget this essential pillar of your wellbeing.
Start a Journal-
Here comes the classic advice that everyone has heard but not everyone has tried—journaling! Though it might feel like extra work, regularly writing in a journal has been known to improve mood, decrease loneliness, and help people ‘check in’ with themselves. If you haven’t already, try keeping a journal—whether you write every day, every other day, twice a week, etc.
Maybe you wish that you could vent without having to share with another person. Good news—a journal is always there to listen, and you can tell it whatever you want. At the end of a long day, take a moment to jot down the good, the bad, the ugly, and the silly on the page.
Beyond helping you externalize negative feelings and focus on the positive ones, many caregivers also use journals as a way to document the health of their care recipient. “Mom and I went for a 1 mile walk today,” “I took grandpa to his doctor for a checkup and they said the new medicine is working,” “no changes today.” These records can help you, your loved one, and your doctors to notice patterns and trends in your care recipient’s health. Likewise, when you look back at this time, you’ll likely be grateful to have thorough documentation of the time you spent with your loved one. Consider giving journaling a try!
Join a caregiving group-
As mentioned before, you are not the only caregiver feeling alone. Likewise, you are not the only caregiver feeling stressed, overwhelmed, or confused. What better way to address these problems than to get together and talk about it with other caregivers in the same situation?
The most straightforward way to find a caregiver support group is to search online—just go to Google and type in ‘caregiver support group’, and the top results will likely yield groups that meet in person, groups that meet over video chat, and everything in between. Think about what works best for you and give it a try.
Try something new-
Sometimes the reason that we feel isolated is that—rather than losing old friendships—we feel like we are not creating any new relationships. If this sounds like you, or if you just want some time to hang out, chat, and escape from your problems, try joining a new group in your town or neighborhood.
Does your area have a gardening club? Do you know of any friends that meet for a weekly night out? Have you heard of Zoom Trivia Tuesday hosted by any local organizations? Consider joining a local group to connect with new people, try a new hobby or reconnect with an old one, and take some time to take care of yourself.
Not know of any structured clubs or events? No problem! Try thinking of a fun activity that you and your friends can do. Set up a weekly hike at a nearby park, plan a book club, or even share a socially distanced dinner over video chat. Simply stepping outside our everyday routines and connecting in new ways can make a significant difference in our mental wellness.
At the end of the day, your feelings of loneliness are a natural response to a stressful situation. You are shouldering a lot of responsibility for your loved one. Though it might feel like no one understands you, there are 53 million caregivers across the country who can relate to your situation.
Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash.
Remember, therefore, that though you might feel lonely, you are absolutely not alone.